so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
