I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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