i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
