hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
