you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
