This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
