i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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