I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We need to rekindle our bromance
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
