I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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