Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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