I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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