I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How naked do you want me to be?
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