you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it wasn't lemon gatorade
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
