I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
