...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize