Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
