A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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