How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
