Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
