i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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