Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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