I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
