I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
