ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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