I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
BRING THE BAGELS
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
