I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize