i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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