im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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