I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
