Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize