He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
