I have demons in me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
