I think my fart just growled at me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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