Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
