My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
