You smell like a Billy Joel song
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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