I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
