Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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