im six kinds of drunk right now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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