Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
