I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
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I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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