Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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