i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
