I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
