It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
