why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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