JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
