my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
