If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize