Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize