im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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