Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
