she was so not down for the gang bang
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
