I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
