hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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