I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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