My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize