he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He kissed a someone with a penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
