So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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