There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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