Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
