I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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