Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
