What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
