who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize