So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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